Pieces of Me and of You
by ThanesSky143
Summary: Alex Swan considered himself to be in control. He didn't realize how deep his emotional turmoil ran. Fear of connection and a case of OCD made it easy for him to shut himself off. Now, moving to Forks to find himself, he runs into a family of compassionate people (and love). He learns how to deal, and a little bit more about what he actually is. MaleBella OC
1. Prologue

**AN 1:** Hi. So this is just a random story that came to me. I figured having Bella Swan as a male character might be an interesting twist. At this point in time I'm still debating on the romantic pairings of the story... Any suggestions? That is if anyone is even reading *awkward laugh*... Tell me what you think of the idea... Male Bella AKA Alex going through some difficult memories and issues, eventually falling in love with someone if that fits your fancy :D Thanks for giving this a chance.

**AN 2: **This first bit isn't much but it sort of refers to some things in a subtle manner I hope. Also... Should I continue?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

_Dear __**Diary**__,_

_I really hate the word diary… So from now on, whenever I write I shall refer to you as Chloe in honour of my best friend. I don't generally record my thoughts despite the number of years my mother attempted to get me to start a journal. I love the woman, but seriously. I'm not a writer. I hate expressing myself because I always end up hitting a wall and I can't articulate what I want. It's like I don't even understand the massive emotional bubble that always rises up to my chest when I try to __**feel**__. But that's another much more serious psychological conundrum. Back to the matter at heart: why I'm even writing to you in the first place. I'm lost Chloe. I don't know who I am or what I want. I swear my OCD is at a new level of OCD and my social skills are so detached. I've gotten so good at deceiving people that I can't tell the difference between what is true and what isn't. I guess it sort of came to mom's attention because now I'm being shipped off to live with my father. My parents divorced when I was three and I live with my mom and my stepdad, Phil. I love them I really do, but apparently I'm not much of a Phoenix guy… My mom thinks that I might really grow into who I am if I moved to Forks, Washington; the quiet atmosphere of the town might help me. Anyway, Chloe I trust you. I think… I figured it's time I documented my thoughts, seeing as it might help sort out my fucked up mind. Thanks for listening to this annoying ramble of thoughts. I'll get back to you soon Chloe… And… I miss you._

_Yours,_

_Alexavier Nathaniel Swan_


	2. Chapter 1

**AN 1:** Woohoo! People actually read this. Thank you guys so so so so much. I'm actually writing this as I go so that's awkward... I have a general idea of where I want it to go so bear with me please. Just finished writing this; this chapter is a look into Alex and a general intro. Thanks for the awesome feedback~ Honestly, I can't believe that people like this. :)

**AN 2: **Also, I suck at editing things. Especially my own writing because I either don't catch the things I need to or I become hyper analytic of my writing and end up stopping. I read over this like 4 times but I sure there are some mistakes. Does uh.. anyone want to help me edit? I'll be forever thankful. I'll love you forever. I don't bite I promise.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. If I did though... No crazy teenage girls would be giving everything up for frustrating people like Edward..

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Chapter 1

"Fuck." Groaning as the sunlight hit his face, Alex squinted at the clock sitting on his bedside desk. It was only seven in the morning and Alex was definitely not amused. Also, he has already cursed once today. He was usually a morning person, after all, it is when the daylight is the most quiet and peaceful – not counting the annoying birds that always seem to start chirping at exactly 3:57AM.

Deciding he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, Alex's exact 6ft 2.2in frame got up and gathered his clothes for the day to get ready. Walking into the bathroom that conjoined to his room, he stood in front of the mirror. Staring deep into his reflection, he took in his unkempt brownish hair. His deep chestnut eyes were darker today. His facial hair had yet to be shaved yet either, as it was transforming from stubble to more. Sighing deeply, Alex attempted to mentally prepare himself for a change in scenery. _I really __**hate **__change._

Alex finished his shower and morning routine. He merely trimmed his facial hair though. He needs stubble.

Stepping into his room in simple jeans and v-neck, he couldn't help but notice how bare it appeared. Everything was already packed. _Today really is the day. I'm really leaving._

Alexavier Swan, or Alex as he preferred was an interesting guy to say the least – he had the loving parents, the looks, the insane intelligence, social power, and a good attitude. Although he was a "cool enough guy" as described by his acquaintances – because he would never let himself make proper friends – he has little quirks. For example, most days he cannot fall asleep. He blames chronic insomnia, but his mother would like to say he's just a thinker of all things before bed. Another quirk is that everything has to be in order. His sandwiches must be in squares, because triangles are unstable. Furthermore, his room always has to be in between messy and clean, and usually Alex deliberately creates little messes in his room. He thinks it makes him seem more teenager-like and approachable – not that he would invite anyone to his room anyway.

His quirks are clinically strange. Alex has a list of circumstances when he chooses to smile.

_When to smile:_

_ someone smiles at me._

_ greeting someone._

_ someone new._

_ upset_

The list goes on. Needless to say, Alex does not do deep relationships. Then again he was diagnosed with OCD so that's an excuse he frequents. "People wouldn't understand" he says, "I have a fear of everything. It's understandable."

"Alex! Honey, it's time to go!" Renee, Alex's mothers voice carried from the living room. Quickly gathering some remaining items such as his trusted IPod and phone, Alex ran down the stairs to meet his mother.

"Morning mum" giving her a kiss on the cheek, Alex smiled softly. "No breakfast today?"

Smirking at her son, Renee replied. "Please, I'm a mother. We're stopping for breakfast at IHOP. I need to feed my main man. Forks probably won't have it, and I know it's your guilty pleasure."

Scoffing in mock disgust, Alex wrapped an arm around Renee's shoulders. "Not true at all mother. Please don't use me as an excuse to eat the greasy breakfast foods of IHOP." Renee merely patted his cheeks in reply and gestured to the living room.

Glancing wearily at his mother in question, Alex took a hesitant step towards the living room. His mother grinned like a Cheshire cat. _I really hate surprises._ Alex walked all the way into the living room with heavy footsteps. Turning his head to see what his mom was so smug about, his jaw dropped to the floor. Placed strategically on the couch was a new guitar. A shiny new toy for Alex. If there was one thing that made life seem all puppies and rainbows for Alex, it was music; creating music, and anything related to music at all was something he was passionate about. It was the only thing he let himself fall in love with. It was his one escape from crazy repetitive behaviors such as constantly checking if the front door was locked. The guitar was a very welcome surprise.

Alex caressed the top of the guitar, taken in the deep blue colour close to the center of the top that darkened to black at the edges. The fingerboard was decorated with the letter X at certain frets. "Mum, you didn't have to-"

"Of course I did. You're old baby is not fit for my baby." Slapping Alex's back, Renee spoke in a baby voice. "My baby is leaving me. I needed to get my baby a gift to show you how much mummy loves you."

"That's true. But mum, you know how much I hate change. It's going to take a while before I even decide to start using the guitar at all."

"And that my sweet baby boy, is how you will move past this. I promise."

Feeling uncomfortable with her sincere words, Alex quickly changed the subject. "Where's big man Phil? I thought he was going to see off his only son."

Inaudibly sighing, Renee replied. "Phil's in the car honey. You're carry on is in the car too and the rest of your boxes of belongings have already arrived at Forks. Including Carrie."

"Good. So we're right on schedule then?" Renee nodded in response to his question.

Silently, the two family members walked pass the foyer of their home for as long as they could remember. Stepping outside, the door shut, they said their goodbyes. The finality of the situation hit them.

A strange sensation spread throughout Alex's chest. Shutting his eyes tightly, he let out a shaky breath, attempting to push down the weird feeling. Swallowing a lump in his throat Alex smiled meekly at his mother, who had been watching him. She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and prayed that this was the right choice.

* * *

After a tearful goodbye on Renee's part and a manly hug between Alex and Phil, Alex was on the plane. His irrational sense of fear began. He knew it was irrational that he already hated the plane because it was already 9:46AM even though the plane was scheduled to leave at exactly 9:35AM. Recognizing this, he couldn't help but me more distressed than before. He knows it's stupid but he's unhappy with it.

He wasn't even sure if he wanted to be here.

It definitely wasn't helping that he had gotten stuck with the aisle seat, because as frequently as he had badgered his mother to book his flight, she booked it late. Alex hated plane rides. But he hated them more if he didn't have a window seat. _He needs the window seat_. Trying to slow his increasingly rapid breaths, Alex put his headphones on, hoping that the music would calm him. He thought that he could handle the plane ride, and god forbid if he outwardly expressed his extreme discomfort to the extent that someone would notice.

It was getting increasingly more difficult to maintain his outward character. His carefully built model-student persona. Deciding he couldn't hold it in, Alex took out the leather bound journal he had gotten the week before. Hesitating to put pen to paper, Alex changed the playlist from _Airplane Relaxation_ to _Hold It In_ on his IPod. He needed to hold it in. Finally, his left hand flowed across the paper. His second entry came into existence.

* * *

_Dear Chloe,_

_I have no idea what I'm even doing right now. God. I'm on the plane but all I can think about is the fact that I'm sitting in the god damn aisle seat. My head is just so __**loud**__. The man sitting next to me has an eyelash on his cheek. It's distracting. It's just sitting there on his cheek and the man has no idea. Very important question Chloe. Do airplanes lock the doors? I feel like I should check if the doors are locked. The plane can't leave if the doors are unlocked. Maybe that's why it's delayed. That has to be it. I feel like_

_I'm sorry. That was rude. I should've asked you how you've been. I'm guessing you're not going through whatever emotional unbalanced craziness that seems to think I'm it's best friend. I hope you're doing well Chloe. After all, you are my best friend. Fuck. It's harder than I thought it would be to write to you like this. You know how I don't swear more than 31 times a day? It doesn't count if it's in writing right? Because the only fucking words that come to mind happen to be curse words. I'm stuck. I don't know what to write. My hand keeps stopping after ever sentence. I'm sorry I'm so random but my head keeps flitting through random thoughts that scream at me if I don't acknowledge them..._

_I should open up to you Chloe._

_You remember my d_

_So my birth father. My dad. His name's Charlie. He's the chief police officer of the small town of Forks. He's awkward but he's my dad. I haven't properly visited in years and all of a sudden, we have to live together. What if we don't work as a family? What if he leaves the lights on? What if he leaves the door unlocked? What if he keeps his toothbrush on the sink and not in a cup?_

_It shouldn't even fucking matter. Why do I care about things like that? I'm so scared of my new house, my new life, and of all the change that's going to happen. I hate that I can- I hate that I can't be normal. And most of all, I hate that you're not here._

_I think that this is the longest I've ever talked about myself and my issues. I think that mom was right. It does help._

_Thanks Chloe. Thank you. Hell, I didn't even notice that the plane was in the air._

_Yours,_

_Alex_


	3. Chapter 2

**AN 1: **Forgive me Alice lovers, but I decided to go with Rosalie after a very difficult process of many pros and cons lists... Alice is a bit too hyper for Alex and I really like the Jasper/Alice dynamic. Please don't hate me haha. And ohmygod. So many people are reading this and that's mind boggling. I say this again even though it might be annoying and presumptuous of me, but THANK YOU SO MUCH.

**AN 2:** This chapter is also a chapter that gives insight to Alex. Hopefully we'll get to the good part of the first day of school. It'll probably be either next chapter or the one after that. But, Carlisle is going to meet Alex for sure next chapter.

**AN 3: **Umm... Also is anyone willing to beta me? I beta it'll be fun ;) Because there are a shit ton of mistakes here I'm sure.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. I really don't.

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Chapter 2

Stepping off the plane, Alex took the time to observe his environment. The people who were on the plane with him rushed out to be taken through security and get started on their days. He understood. Time was precious. Time is what made his schedule run. He wonders if some of these people are rushing for another reason. Maybe they have family waiting for them – like he did he reminds himself. His dad. His awkward but easy to get along with dad.

Walking out from security, he searched for Charlie. Standing near the airport coffee shop was his dad. He stood there with the same messy brown hair as Alex had, the same dark eyes, but with an awkward smile on his face. Charlie spotted Alex walking towards him, so he did the same.

"Hi Alex."

"Dad."

There was a brief pause. A silence as father and son studied each other. Finding what he was looking for, Charlie gave a half smile.

"I missed you, son. I missed you." Seeing as Charlie would not be the one to go for a hug. Alex went in for one.

It was strange. Alex never expected the intense feeling of _home_ that came from hugging Charlie. Alex loved his mom a lot, but he never felt the strong dependent feeling he got from being in Charlie's presence. It was as though he was a kid again, being protected by his awesome dad. Alex initially convinced himself who is dad was in his head, and planned out how to interact with him the moment he learned he was going to Forks. All his carefully laid plans when out the window, because Charlie went beyond expectations.

Both men eventually separated. "You're big. Bigger than I uh, thought. Um How was the flight? You okay?" Charlie nervously asked, fidgeting with the edges of his faded shirt.

"The flight was fine, short too. It was only two hours and thirty-four minutes." He paused, taking in Charlie's tentative demeanour. "I'm guessing mom gave you a heads up?"

"She did. But... You seem normal." Charlie's eyes widened when he realized what he said. " I mean not that you're not normal. I... You just don't seem to show your symptoms very much. You're normal. I-"

Chuckling lightly, Alex replied. "I get it dad. It's okay."

"I know. I just want you to feel welcome. I'm really glad that you decided to come here. You're my son and I love you."

The very sentimental statement from Charlie of all people shocked Alex into silence. Not knowing what to do, Alex simply grinned at his father.

When they made it to Charlie's squad car moments later, and when Alex's suitcase and guitar were loaded, they drove off out of Seattle. The ride to Forks was full of small talk and catching up. The whole experience was bizarre. Alex felt like he was in some sort of alternate universe, like he was watching his body flow naturally through genuine conversations meant for connecting.

* * *

The entire day was spent bonding with each other. They talked about positive things and when evening came, they could both honestly say that they knew each other. And, although Alex was afraid to open up, he did manage to talk about some things he could not bring up with Renee. Maybe it was because Charlie seemed to be the quiet listener type, who despite his quiet nature, jabbered off with Alex on random topics. The only time that conversations seemed to give way to silence was a brief moment of confusion over who Carrie was - Alex's 'baby' as he liked to call his 1967 Ford Mustang Convertible passed on to Alex by his grandfather.

After a quick dinner at the local diner, realizing that Charlie would only burn the house down, they said their goodnights and retired to bed; Grandpa Jamie still on their minds as they lay in their beds that night.

Now Alex's grandfather was a touchy subject for both Charlie and Alex. Charlie lost his father, and Alex lost his trusted confidant. Before Grandpa Jamie passed away, Alex used to visit Charlie frequently. In fact, even Renee and Phil used to come by as well. Grandpa Jamie was a special man, who held nothing but love for his family. However, over the years, he started showing small signs of short-term memory loss. The family thought nothing about it because forgetfulness was a common symptom of time and age.

Things took a turn for the worse when Grandpa Jamie was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.

As a kid, Alex didn't know much about pain or loss. Growing up, he had his family, and even though Renee and Charlie split up, Alex was okay with it because Grandpa Jamie said everything was going to be okay. When Phil came along, that was okay too, because he had earned himself a brother-like figure to give him advice.

When Grandpa Jamie was getting close to the end of his life, Alex lost himself. His obsessive behaviours and intrusive thoughts were more frequent and started to interfere with his daily life. Anything that reminded him of Grandpa Jamie was pushed aside. He lost his creative will. Art and music died. With the final goodbye to Grandpa Jamie when Alex was thirteen he - after writing a final song in tribute - said goodbye to his passion.

That was until Chloe pushed her way into his life.

* * *

_"Alex."_

_Opening his eyes, Alex saw that he was standing in the old skating rink that was about ten minutes from his house in Phoenix._

_"Alex."_

_There was that voice again. High pitched but smooth. It echoed in the rink. Searching the rink for the source of the voice, Alex walked from where he was standing towards the ice. A lone female figure stood on the centre of the ice, hands linked behind their back, head tilted back to stare at the ceiling. Her most striking feature was her fiery red hair, flowing down her back in soft curls._

_Alex's heart rate shot up. 'It couldn't be.' _

_The figure turned to face Alex. "There you are Al. Get over here!" Brilliant blue eyes met his. Standing before him was his best friend. His sister in everything but blood. Chloe._

_"Chloe. I... How are you here?"_

_"Stop stalling and get over here Al. We haven't skated in so long." Chloe smoothly moved along the ice, a wistful look in her eyes. _

_Alex decided to throw away his logic and skated with Chloe, making long laps around the circular rink. They skated along in silence until Chloe spoke first._

_"So how do you like Forks so far?"_

_"How do you know that I'm in Forks?" Alex asked in shock._

_"I'm your best friend silly. Besides, you told me remember?"_

_Alex's mouth opened to reply, but he didn't know what to say. Instead of replying, Alex grabbed Chloe's hand and brought them both to a stop._

_Moving her gaze up to meet Alex's questioning gaze, Chloe gave his hand a soft squeeze. "What?"_

_"Nothing. I just-" Alex couldn't finish what he was going to say. Instead he took the moment to memorize Chloe's face. He knew this moment wouldn't last, and that thought hurt._

_Chloe moved into Alex's personal space and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Alex reflexively hugged her back and closed his eyes. Warmth spread through his chest to his fingertips. They stayed like that for a long while until Chloe pulled away._

_"Everything's going to be okay. Those thoughts you have aren't abnormal, Alex. It's okay. Just let everything in." Chloe whispered softly, afraid to break whatever serene atmosphere their embrace created._

_"But it's not normal. I'm fucked up. I know that."_

_"That doesn't mean you have to have control over everything. You're in a new place. Make some friends. Find love. Control isn't going to help."_

_"How do you know?" Alex questioned, desperately wanting an answer._

_A knowing grin spread across Chloe's lips. Gazing into Alex's eyes, Chloe replied. "Because I know you. Because I'm you're sister. You've always been normal. If not, you've always been better. Believe in that."_

_"Chloe-"_

* * *

The incessant sound of the alarm woke Alex from his sleep. 7:00AM. The dream still very much in his head, went through his usual routine mechanically. His head constantly revolved around the dream, and a buzz of sound surrounded his ears. His head wouldn't stop thinking.

Unable, to think of something else, Alex succumbed to the feelings the memory evoked. He sat still on his bed, his hair still damp while hanging over his eyes and dripping on to the sheets, trying to make sense of the surreal episode. He actually felt okay for the first time in a while. But, that thought was quickly ended by the fact that things will always turn to shit. 'Maintain control.' Alex thought.

Alex wanted to keep his mind occupied. Since it was Sunday, Alex didn't have school. Not that he was looking forward to it as Forks High technically started the year a week ago, and Alex would become the "New Kid." That being said, school could keep his mind occupied.

Suddenly, Alex remembered Charlie mentioning something about the Hospital that was starting a volunteer program for youth last night. Checking the time, Alex noted that he had spent three hours in his head, so he quickly dialed Charlie's personal number.

"Hello?"

"Dad?"

"What do you need? Is there a problem?" Charlie asked with worry.

Laughing softly to himself Alex replied,"No. Nothing's wrong. I was just wondering about the Hospital volunteer program?"

"Oh. Well if you're interested you are going to have to head down to the hospital. Ask the receptionist about the program and they'll make you fill out some forms."

"Okay, then can you give me the directions to the hospital?"

"No problem son. Although, you might want to go explore Forks. Not that there's much to see in this little old town." Charlie replied chuckling. "But it would be easier if you marked down where the school was and such."

Deciding to spend the day preparing a set schedule for his life at Forks, Alex replied, "That sounds reasonable. I'll get on that. Directions please."

* * *

After a short description on where the main town locations were, Alex and Charlie hung up.

Charlie put his phone on his desk with a smile on his lips. His uncharacteristic mood shocked the other officers in the room. One officer who was a rookie assigned to Charlie two years back was brave enough to ask what was up.

"Chief? What's that smile doing on your face?" Officer Shaw asked with a smirk.

"My son is too smart for his own good."

"Oh right," Shaw asked, stretching his reply, "the son is back for good. What's he done that's 'too smart for his own good?'"

Putting his hand through his hair, a habit that he and Alex shared, Charlie grinned. "Well, first of all, my kid's a genius. Second of all, he's heading down to the hospital for that volunteer program Dr. Cullen started."

"Ah, I see. Didn't you say Alexavier's had first aid training? Makes sense."

"Alex. He doesn't like to go by Alexavier. Says the names too archaic or something. I blame Renee's crazy ideas." Charlie stated. "And yes he's a certified first aid kid. And he does martial arts." Charlie boasted with his chest puffed up. "My boy's a remarkable kid."

"Sounds good chief."

The conversation ended and Charlie sat thinking.

'Hope my boy knows what he's doing.'

* * *

**AN:** Hope you guys liked this chapter. I'm thinking of trying different POVs in the future. I'd like to know what you guys though - good and bad - so that I can improve and make this a better experience for me and you guys. Also, do you guys want about the same length chapters, generally uploaded with 1-3 days between, or longer chapters even if it would take longer to update?


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